Waiting for your boyfriend to propose can be a tiresome, exasperating experience, especially if you don’t know where he is coming from. Having conversations about your future can help, or it may leave you dangling with even more questions. Why won’t he propose? Is something wrong with me? Why do my friends get engaged but I don’t?
If you are always the bridesmaid and never the bride, or maybe just depressed by weddings in general, these observations below should give you some insight into the inner workings of a guy’s mind. While these reasons why he may not propose don’t necessarily cover all the bases, these are a lot of common reasons why a guy may not ask you to marry him when you expect that he should.
1. He wants to be financially responsible and needs to have all his ducks in a row before he proposes. Maybe he’s waiting for a better job. Maybe he is trying to save a bigger down payment for a house to buy with you. It really doesn’t matter what the holdup is – the end result is the same. This man loves you and wants to be a good provider. He may not be on your time table, but at least you can rest assured he is in it for the long haul.
2. He’s a free spirit who is perfectly content to drive through life one day at a time. Lots of people – both men and women – find themselves in a state of complacency. Occasionally one of them hits a wall and everything comes tumbling down. If your man is a free spirit who likes to live life day by day with one small adventure at a time, you may have better luck talking to a wall than trying to reason with him. However, he could one day hit the wall that changes his mind and gets him motivated to explore his life to the fullest.
3. He doesn’t want to be the first one of his friends to get married. Some guys find the right girl and can’t wait to tie the knot, no matter what. Other guys may find the right girl, and love her like crazy, but find themselves not ready to make things more permanent. Give him some time. We know it can be excruciating to watch all your girlfriends pair off and get married, but remember that nothing is gained by rushing in too fast.
4. He still feels like a child himself and doesn’t want to grow up too fast. If your guy loves video games, drinking parties, going out with the guys all the time, and / or lives in his parents’ basement (no offense if he does!), it may be time to help him move toward maturity. Again, a couple of years here might make all the difference.
5. He has conflicting emotions and emotional baggage from a previous relationship. If your man has been burned in the past, chances are he’s a bit gun-shy. This emotional issue may not be a permanent one, but it could delay your union. Once your beau is able to get over his emotional baggage, he should be able to gather up his courage and confidence to propose.
6. The two of you want really different things out of life and he’s not sure that it will work. In closely examining relationships, many couples want different things out of life. If you disagree on major issues, such as having kids, where you live, etc., you may find yourselves in a predicament prior to getting engaged. In this case, he is protecting himself, but also you, by not rushing in despite your differences. If you think this could be the case, perhaps you can work out your differences for a better shot at your future.
7. He likes you, and loves you, but he’s not sure if it’s that “forever” kind of love. We hate to think about this one, yet it does creep into our minds every once in a while. If the two of you don’t exchange “I love yous” or kind thoughts and sentiments even once in a while, this might be a cause for concern. You could always try having the “where-do-you-see-things-going” conversation… unless of course you’ve already had it… sixteen times… with no resolution. (sigh) Good luck.
8. He’s a player and he’s waiting for the next best thing to come along. While we would hope this is not the case, there are times when the man fits the mold. If he is secretive, has lots of female friends, and doesn’t commit, you might become a bit suspicious if this is the case. Unless you can catch him (without snooping or stalking, of course), it’s quite difficult to prove this, and often it’s difficult to get past.
9. He doesn’t want to get married. Maybe his parents had a rough marriage and he went through a lot as a kid. Maybe he has seen more than his share of ups and downs in relationships of those around him. Maybe he just doesn’t want to get married and doesn’t know why. A number of people do occasionally decide to live together and go through life as if they are married but without the titles or the actual authenticity of being married. If you want to get married and he falls into this category, you might want to consider all the factors and choose your best move.