Sometimes we just can’t help the way we feel. We may find chemistry between ourselves and another person, even if we know that person is not a good match for us. We might have a crush on someone else’s significant other or spouse, all the while knowing that they should be off limits to us based on their relationship status of “taken.”
If you find that you have a crush on a married man, or even someone else’s boyfriend, you may feel helpless in thinking about what you should do. Emotions run deep and it’s not always easy or immediately possible to make yourself feel one way or stop feeling another way. If you find that you have a crush on a married man, consider these tips from relationship and dating professionals Paul A. Falzone and Scott Haltzman, MD, to help you take control of your emotions.
Q. – What is the best thing to do if you find you have a crush on a married man?
Paul A. Falzone: Run! There’s absolutely nothing to be gained by pursuing a married man no matter how exciting it may seem. The bottom line is, do you really want to break up a marriage and, depending on the situation, separate a man from his children and half of everything he owns (if not more)?
Scott Haltzman, MD: Remember that just because you have a strong attraction to somebody, doesn’t mean that that person has to be in your life romantically. The absolute best advice to give to anyone who finds herself having a crush on a married man is to avoid all interactions that produce any type of intimacy. Don’t sit alone at the lunch table if you know that he’ll be coming by during that time; don’t stop in his office when you know other people will be within earshot; always keep your interactions with that person professional and distant. You may feel tempted to form a close friendship simply because he is “a good person.” Remember that there are many good people in this world, and the fact that he is married, and attractive, makes an off-limits to you.
Q. What are the chances that a married man will leave his wife for another woman?
Paul A. Falzone: Very slim. Again, you’re asking a man to walk away from his family and take a major financial hit. Even if he does leave, you’re probably going to be resented by his ex-wife and kids as the wedge that broke up a family. Perhaps even your married man, once he’s yours, will resent you at times — especially if things don’t go well between you two.
Scott Haltzman, MD: Divorce statistics tell us that women are likely to leave men two thirds to three quarters of the time. In my own clinical experience, however, virtually the only time that a man will leave his wife is if there is another woman in the wings. It is true that men frequently feel unappreciated by their wives, and one of the greatest attractions of extramarital affairs to men is the feeling that the woman that they are with appreciates them much more than their own right. It’s also probably true that the woman he is having an affair with his more interested in sexual interactions with him. However, no woman should believe that a married man will leave his wife simply because he has begun a torrid affair with her, or even because he is expressing love feelings for her. A man’s sense of obligation on duty to his family is often much stronger than his selfish desires to find a new woman.
Q. What should you do if a married man is flirting with you? What if you catch yourself flirting with a married man?
Paul A. Falzone: There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting as long as both people recognize it for what it is and don’t cross the line.
Q. Is there such a thing as innocent flirting when it involves someone who is married?
Paul A. Falzone: There’s more than one Jack for every Jill. So, do you really need to go after somebody else’s Jack? Sure, it may be exciting to sample somebody else’s dessert. But if it means that innocent people get hurt, especially children, like I said, take up skydiving. It’s far safer in the long run.
About the Experts:
Paul A. Falzone is the CEO of The Right One and Together Dating which boasts more than 60 locations and is growing. Under his leadership, the Company ranked 31st in the 2007 Boston Business Journal’s “Fastest Growing Private Companies in Massachusetts” and was named to Inc Magazine’s list of Fastest Growing Private Companies in America with a three-year growth rate of 133 percent. For more information, you can visit http://www.therightone.com.
Scott Haltzman, MD, is the founder and editor of DrScott.com and 365Reasons.com and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happy Families. Dr. Haltzman is board certified in Psychiatry and is a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He is a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and the Medical Director of NRI Community Services in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. Visit Dr. Haltzman online at www.DrScott.com.
Editor’s Note: Life Love Beauty does not condone or encourage affairs or cheating in relationships. The opinions are those of the experts and this article is meant for information purposes only.