Starting over is rarely easy but often necessary in life. From starting a new job or a new school to ending a relationship and moving on, starting over can be challenging, exciting, frustrating, intimidating, and excruciating, not to mention any combination of other emotions. If your engagement has just ended, it’s no doubt a considerably difficult time for you. You might be able to benefit from some tips on surviving a broken engagement and moving on with your life.
Whether you or your significant other broke the engagement, chances are your relationship may have had some underlying issues. Engagements can end for many reasons, from an unfaithful partner to family issues to disagreements on goals in life and so much more. In most if not all cases, it’s better for your relationship to end during the engagement phase rather than ending in the first few months of marriage.
“My engagement was broken back in 2001 just months before the wedding,” says Relationship Coach and Clinical Hypnotherapist Debra Berndt. “It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me (although I did not know it at the time). I also lost my job a week after we broke up and had to move out of the condo we lived in. I was jobless, homeless, and manless.”
Berndt continues, “After I broke the engagement, I left the corporate world and changed careers to become a clinical hypnotherapist. I made more money and became a successful business owner. A few years later, I met the love of my life and life couldn’t be better. I look back at that time as a crossroads and I am so glad the dead-end showed up on that road with my ex so that I could be free to pursue my life’s work and love destiny.”
Remember, even if it doesn’t feel this way right now, it is generally better to be single with a chance to find your ideal partner than to be taken advantage of or stuck in an unhealthy relationship. To help you survive your broken engagement, consider these tips from the experts to help you move on with your life.
1. Remember why you are better off without this person. “Focus on all the reasons that you are better off without your partner (think about the ways you did not make a good match),” says Debra Berndt, relationship coach and hypnotherapist. “I found out the truth of what my friends really thought of him after we broke up. Interview your friends and family.”
2. Let yourself grieve. “Feel as bad as you really feel,” says Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed., author of Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You. “You’ve had a loss. You’re sad, mad, discombobulated. Let that be okay. Feel your feelings. Your hurt is not a measure of how irreplaceable your ex is, but how human you are. To move on, you have to honor your grief.”
3. Reconsider your “type” and reasons why you may be a magnet for the wrong person. “Look inside to find out why you attracted Mr. Wrong and make adjustments internally so that you can change your attraction magnet and bring in a more suitable partner,” instructs Debra Berndt, who wrote Let Love In: How to Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner.
4. Pamper yourself as often as you can. “Do something every day that supports your well-being. Whether it is getting a massage, taking a walk, or indulging in a great book,” reminds Debra Berndt. “This may sound trivial but it will make a big difference in how you feel as you nurture and care for No. 1.”
5. Avoid contact with your ex. “If you need to make arrangements, try to do it through a friend,” says Debra Berndt. “Each time you are around him you risk revisiting those old feelings and it will only make you miss him more.”
6. If you must be in contact, keep things business-like. “Keep the focus on you,” says Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed. “Stay out of your ex-fiancé’s head. Keep conversation to a minimum and business-like. Wrap up open items as soon as possible (wedding expenses, living arrangements, personal belongings etc). Go NO CONTACT as soon as you can and stay business-like when you can’t.”
7. Get excited about…