How to Share Mother’s Day Fairly between Your Mom and Your Mother-in-Law



Sometimes life becomes a little more complex when you get married. You’ve got to combine stuff, combine finances (debt and wages) if you choose to do so, and combine likes and interests if you can manage it. Getting married also involves splitting things – like the last piece of chocolate cake, vacation time if you both like different types of destinations, and of course, holidays. Mother’s Day is often one such holiday that is a challenge to split fairly and evenly between your mom and mother-in-law, but it can be done.

Consider these tips on how to share Mother’s Day fairly between your own mom and your mother-in-law, no matter where you live.

Splitting Mother’s Day with Mom and Mother-in-Law on the Same Day
If you and your spouse live in close proximity to both your mothers, it may be possible to celebrate Mother’s Day with both moms separately—perhaps lunch with one and dinner with the other. You might also consider getting both families and your own together for a Mother’s Day lunch or dinner at a restaurant if your families all get along. It may be a nice way to celebrate with everyone together in one place.

If you do Mother’s Day lunch with your mom and dinner with your spouse’s mom this year, consider switching it up to do the reverse next year. While it’s a truly great thing to be able to do both—the only issue with visiting both moms on Mother’s Day is that they might come to expect this plan every year. Speak with your partner and decide if you are up for that possibility, or wait and cross that bridge when you get to it.

Sharing Mother’s Day Weekend with Both Moms on Separate Days
Sometimes driving to two different locations and then home again on the same day can be a bit overwhelming. Splitting up Mother’s Day across the Saturday of that weekend and the next day, Sunday, which actually is Mother’s Day, can be a bit easier on you. Talk with your partner and decide who you’ll see for Mother’s Day on Sunday this year and plan to visit the other mom on the Saturday before Mom’s Day. Then next year, do the reverse.

The only real downside with this Mother’s Day sharing plan is that that almost the entire weekend is planned out for you. You may not mind since you both get to see your mom on or around Mother’s Day. If you do mind, consider some other ideas for how to share Mom’s Day with your mother and mother-in-law both.

Hosting a Mother’s Day Brunch or Picnic for a Larger Group
Sometimes it gets tricky to plan holidays, especially Mother’s Day, when you and your spouse both have siblings, and even more so when they have spouses. Sometimes planning a big gathering for both moms is a nice option, whether at your house or at a restaurant.

You can plan a nice picnic lunch, buffet brunch, or even a barbeque for your mom and mom-in-law. You and your siblings or your spouse’s siblings can take turns doing this if your families are close, or you can volunteer to host it all the time. You also may wish to do individual Mother’s Day visits some years to your mom’s house or your spouse’s mom’s house, and then other years host the Mother’s Day brunch or picnic.

Taking Turns with Mother’s Day by Alternating Years
If your moms don’t live very close to you and a considerable drive is required, you might want to take turns visiting each mom for Mother’s Day. You can visit just one mother for Mother’s Day and then the next year, visit the other mother.

You and your spouse can decide which mom to visit the first year you are married and then plan to alternate each year after that. While you do this for Mother’s Day, you might want to consider a similar approach for other holidays, especially Father’s Day. Try to find the fair way to split up the holidays as best you can.

Celebrating Mother’s Day with Mom, Stepmom, and Mother-in-Law
If you would like to include your stepmom in your Mother’s Day plans, in addition to your mom and your mother-in-law, your holiday planning becomes infinitely more difficult. At this point it might be wise to choose a combination of the options mentioned on this page. If everyone gets along, which may be rare, consider getting everyone together for the brunch or picnic, or lunch or dinner at a restaurant.

If your families don’t all get along, visiting one at a time will be the best approach. Work with your spouse to decide if you will be visiting on the same day, same weekend, or different surrounding weekends. You can also alternate years, but you might do well to mix it up where someone gets a Saturday and another mom gets Mother’s Day, and the third gets a special day on a surrounding weekend.

Celebrating Mother’s Day with Your Family Only and Visiting the Moms another Time
Sometimes all this planning just gets too complicated. You do all the thinking and planning and organizing and you barely have any energy left at all to enjoy time with your family. If you are already a parent, taking some special time for yourself and your immediate family is important.

Consider doing your own Mother’s Day festivities on Mother’s Day and make other arrangements to visit with your mom and mother-in-law another time, whether during the same weekend or on surrounding weekends. If you choose not to visit either of your moms on Mother’s Day, don’t forget to send cards or flowers!

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