What Kind of Women Go After Married Men… and Why?

If you wonder what kind of woman goes after another woman’s husband, you are not alone. Some women go after married men on purpose, over and over again. Find out why.Why is it that some women are attracted to married men while others strictly only go after men who are single and fully available? It seems women who pursue married men may have a different mentality when it comes to love and relationships. These women may not want all the same life goals and dreams as women who long to be married with two kids and a dog and the white picket fence.

So what kind of women go after married men, and why? It may surprise you, but all romantic involvements aside, you may not know these women who pursue married men from your own friends and acquaintances. They may have the same interests as you, they may be involved in the same activities, clubs, or sports teams. Women who go after married men may not act or look any different at all from those who steer clear of other women’s men. Surprised? Don’t be. The difference typically tends to be in the way these women think and react emotionally.

Words of Reasoning from a Real-Life Woman Who’s Dated Married Men
As for the why, it seems that several reasons exist behind these women’s decisions to pursue other women’s husbands. An anonymous woman shares that she has engaged in romantic relationships with three married men, but keeps her love life completely private from her friends, family, and social circles.

Married men may become more attractive to the women who only go after men who are taken.“I do not consider myself a ‘home wrecker’ or even ‘the other woman,’ though those are the common names for women like me,” she says. “There is an allure to dating a married man. For starters, he is unavailable. Women always want what they can’t have, and married men are about as off-the-market as you can get. (Besides gay men, of course, but that gets tricky.) There is more of a chase aspect with trying to date a married man than there is with trying to date a single guy.

“More importantly, even when you are dating the married man, you’re still not entirely with him. There is still some effort involved. Your actions together are also considered taboo – so there is a thrill in knowing you are being secretive and cannot get caught.”

The anonymous woman adds, “Unlike some women who date married men, my biggest fear is if they ever say they want to leave their wife. Part of the reason I date married men is because there is a lack of commitment. I’m not looking to get married, and he already is, so the relationship stays in that ‘fun’ phase and doesn’t get serious. If it starts getting serious, that’s when I split.”

The Psychology behind Women Who Only Date Married Men
According to some therapists and psychologists, some women target married men for their dating relationships on a regular basis. One therapist was kind enough to share some of the psychology behind why these women go after only married men.

“I have been a family therapist for over thirty years and have seen many women who have chosen to date and to have relationships with only married men,” says family therapist and author Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LCSW. “I cannot and would not generalize about why all such women make such a choice. That said, in my professional, anecdotal experience, however, I will quote the words of one such client of mine that addresses an essential reason behind these women’s choices of dating and having affairs with only married men:

‘When I’m with a married man, I experience his intense desire for me and the excitement and thrills of a secret, romantic relationship while never having to deal with all the downsides, drudgery, boredom and responsibilities of being in a marriage with him that his wife has to suffer. I get expensive getaways and gifts and she gets to do his laundry.’”

Commonalities and Differences between Women Who Pursue Married Men and Husbands Who Cheat
It seems that some women and men are almost programmed in a way to never cheat on their spouse or significant other, while others may stray from their partners despite the bond of marriage. Some women pursue married men on purpose while others may simply feel a romantic attraction to the person in general. So, when it all comes down to it, what are the similarities and differences of married men who cheat and the women who pursue them?

Paul A. Falzone:
I think men tend to have more of a wandering eye by nature. But it’s the women who specifically are drawn by more than just a wandering eye. Perhaps it’s the excitement or the taboo of pursuing a married man. But really, if you need that type of excitement in your life, take up skydiving — it’s much safer.

Scott Haltzman, MD:
Sexual desires are natural, as are the desires to be loved and cared for. Therefore, I may guess that it is intrinsic in human nature of seek out heterosexual contacts that will provide for these basic needs. What makes humans exceptional is their capacity to suppress their animal desires, and to reach for some higher level of functioning to be able to sustain some form of society and community. Individuals who have affairs often have difficulties in suppressing some of these urges, either by believing that they are exempt from societal norms because they’re so special or their situation is so unique, believing that somehow their ability to keep their commitments to their wives or themselves is outside of their control, or they simply don’t have the mental pools to be able to resist impulses. Rationalization is a defense mechanism, which allows people to do things that they know are wrong. Men tend to rationalize that because their needs are not being met at home, they are justified to have an affair. Women that will have affairs with men will also justify their behavior by saying that these men deserve better, and that they are helping the situation out by having an affair.

About the Experts:
Paul A. Falzone is the CEO of The Right One and Together Dating which boasts more than 60 locations and is growing. Under his leadership, the Company ranked 31st in the 2007 Boston Business Journal’s “Fastest Growing Private Companies in Massachusetts” and was named to Inc Magazine’s list of Fastest Growing Private Companies in America with a three-year growth rate of 133 percent. For more information, you can visit http://www.therightone.com.

Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LCSW is a family therapist and author of “Take Out Your Nose Ring, Honey, We’re Going to Grandma’s.” He received his undergraduate and graduate degrees from Harvard University and he is a licensed psychotherapist, noted national speaker, social commentator and author.

Editor’s Note: Life Love Beauty does not condone or encourage affairs or cheating in relationships. The opinions are those of the experts and this article is meant for information purposes only.

Naughty Nighties – Bring out the Bad Girl Inside

They may not all be willing to admit it, but even good girls have a bad side. And by bad, we mean sexy, naughty, and mysterious. With the right attitude and a few select additions to your wardrobe, you can ignite your love life with time to spare.

It’s been said that every woman should own a black lace bra and matching thong or panty. Why not a sexy chemise, babydoll, or naughty lingerie set? By adding these simple, arousing garments to your repertoire, you can spice things up in the bedroom at a moment’s notice. You can tote along your suggestive attire on your next vacation as a couple to bring even more sensuality and erotic desire to your trip. Enhance any common weeknight by debuting lusty lingerie shortly after dinner… or before, if you’re feeling especially frisky!

Sexy Styles
When it comes to choosing a new piece of lingerie, the options can undoubtedly seem overwhelming, regardless if you are a regular shopper or venturing into the sexy attire world for the very first time. The best thing to do in this case may be to consider all the styles available to you and determine which options fit your own personal style and your mate’s likes.

If you are new to lingerie, you can start out with something subtle, simple, and sexy, like a long silk or satin nightgown with slinky spaghetti straps and a slit, or a lacy or chiffon babydoll with a matching panty or thong. Babydolls work great as sexy and seductive nighties, as many of them look just like sundresses that are a bit shorter than usual. Nightgowns in black or leopard print deliver a great, sexy statement without baring all, while design options like crisscross straps, lacing, and other adornments contribute toward the “WOW” factor. You can also find adorable tank tops and panty or boy shorts sets with a naughty or sexy spin if you prefer that style to a nightie.

As a simple tip, you can also pair a new piece of lingerie with a silky robe, wrap, or kimono to give you that extra element of feeling a bit more covered. Choose a garment as seductive as you like, and if you feel it’s just a little too sultry, find a nice wrap or robe to round out your outfit.

For more experienced lingerie shoppers, you may consider quite the opposite – what don’t you have in your collection so far? You may want to consider the degree of naughty you desire. Will you be seeking a sheer set or a rather revealing item that bares all, or perhaps a sheer set that leaves a little to the imagination? Your choices may also revolve around whether you intend to accent your outfit with sexy stockings, a garter belt and thigh highs, or some other erotic accessory.

Costumes and Role Play
If your relationship tends to be a bit more on the adventurous side, perhaps you’ll want to introduce a naughty costume into your bedroom. The sexy cop, jailhouse inmate, schoolgirl, nurse, and French maid hold fast as favorites, but the possibilities truly are endless once you start browsing for an exciting and erotic costume. These costumes offer an especially nice change of pace around Halloween, but consider donning one on any random night for some extra fun and excitement.

Even if you don’t opt for a lingerie costume, you can still play the part. Choose some sexy lingerie and seduce your mate with ease. Play up the elements of surprise and supreme desire. Play hard to get. Be chased. Be desired. Be in control. Take your relationship to new levels by allowing your sexy and naughty nighties to liberate you from what is normal and commonplace.

No matter what style you choose, remember that the lingerie will give you that special boost, but it’s up to you to follow through and enjoy the sexy, desired feeling you’re sure to experience!

Flirty Fabrics
Once you select a style of lingerie, prepare yourself for endless possibilities in color, texture, and fabric. You may also wish to consider the fabric first, before the style, – especially if your heart is set on lace, satin, silk, sheer chiffon, leather, fishnet, or another favorite lingerie fabric. You may also consider lingerie that combines different fabric types for a special look, or create your own clever juxtapositions with sexy accessories.

You may also discover that some styles are available in a crocheted or knitted construction. These items typically show a bit more skin than thicker or darker fabrics, but they can be a lot of fun to wear, even outside the bedroom. An adorable crocheted babydoll may be able to double as a super short dress that you can wear over your bathing suit the next time you visit the beach or the pool. Use your judgment to determine if there are any other appropriate ways to repurpose the garments!

As you think about the fabrics, keep in mind that often-sheer fabrics like lace, mesh, and chiffon tend to show off more skin than satins and silks. Leather and fishnet getups tend to be downright naughty if you’re in the mood. All these are surely styles that anyone can enjoy wearing once they reach the right mindset. Use your discretion as you consider all the lingerie options available to you, but remember that lingerie is crafted to enhance your experiences and your enjoyment – and of course, the desire and satisfaction of your significant other!

As you shop, keep in mind that you’ll want to pick a garment that makes you feel sexy without making you feel uncomfortable. Many nighties offer ultimate sex appeal without showing off your most private parts. Some chemises and nighties offer a slightly longer length with a side slit that gives a flirty glimpse of your goods without showing off too much at once. Choose a garment that you find attractive and you will be excited to try it out. Also, don’t over-think things. Your tastes in lingerie will likely grow and expand as you become more and more accustomed to wearing sexy attire in your bedroom.

What to Do if You Have a Crush on a Married Man

Sometimes we just can’t help the way we feel. We may find chemistry between ourselves and another person, even if we know that person is not a good match for us. We might have a crush on someone else’s significant other or spouse, all the while knowing that they should be off limits to us based on their relationship status of “taken.”

If you find that you have a crush on a married man, or even someone else’s boyfriend, you may feel helpless in thinking about what you should do. Emotions run deep and it’s not always easy or immediately possible to make yourself feel one way or stop feeling another way. If you find that you have a crush on a married man, consider these tips from relationship and dating professionals Paul A. Falzone and Scott Haltzman, MD, to help you take control of your emotions.

Q. – What is the best thing to do if you find you have a crush on a married man?

Paul A. Falzone: Run! There’s absolutely nothing to be gained by pursuing a married man no matter how exciting it may seem. The bottom line is, do you really want to break up a marriage and, depending on the situation, separate a man from his children and half of everything he owns (if not more)?

Scott Haltzman, MD: Remember that just because you have a strong attraction to somebody, doesn’t mean that that person has to be in your life romantically. The absolute best advice to give to anyone who finds herself having a crush on a married man is to avoid all interactions that produce any type of intimacy. Don’t sit alone at the lunch table if you know that he’ll be coming by during that time; don’t stop in his office when you know other people will be within earshot; always keep your interactions with that person professional and distant. You may feel tempted to form a close friendship simply because he is “a good person.”  Remember that there are many good people in this world, and the fact that he is married, and attractive, makes an off-limits to you.

Q. What are the chances that a married man will leave his wife for another woman?

Paul A. Falzone:
Very slim. Again, you’re asking a man to walk away from his family and take a major financial hit. Even if he does leave, you’re probably going to be resented by his ex-wife and kids as the wedge that broke up a family. Perhaps even your married man, once he’s yours, will resent you at times — especially if things don’t go well between you two.

Scott Haltzman, MD:
Divorce statistics tell us that women are likely to leave men two thirds to three quarters of the time. In my own clinical experience, however, virtually the only time that a man will leave his wife is if there is another woman in the wings. It is true that men frequently feel unappreciated by their wives, and one of the greatest attractions of extramarital affairs to men is the feeling that the woman that they are with appreciates them much more than their own right. It’s also probably true that the woman he is having an affair with his more interested in sexual interactions with him. However, no woman should believe that a married man will leave his wife simply because he has begun a torrid affair with her, or even because he is expressing love feelings for her. A man’s sense of obligation on duty to his family is often much stronger than his selfish desires to find a new woman.

Q. What should you do if a married man is flirting with you? What if you catch yourself flirting with a married man?

Paul A. Falzone: There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting as long as both people recognize it for what it is and don’t cross the line.

Q. Is there such a thing as innocent flirting when it involves someone who is married?

Paul A. Falzone: There’s more than one Jack for every Jill. So, do you really need to go after somebody else’s Jack? Sure, it may be exciting to sample somebody else’s dessert. But if it means that innocent people get hurt, especially children, like I said, take up skydiving. It’s far safer in the long run.

About the Experts:
Paul A. Falzone is the CEO of The Right One and Together Dating which boasts more than 60 locations and is growing. Under his leadership, the Company ranked 31st in the 2007 Boston Business Journal’s “Fastest Growing Private Companies in Massachusetts” and was named to Inc Magazine’s list of Fastest Growing Private Companies in America with a three-year growth rate of 133 percent. For more information, you can visit http://www.therightone.com.

Scott Haltzman, MD, is the founder and editor of DrScott.com and 365Reasons.com and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happy Families. Dr. Haltzman is board certified in Psychiatry and is a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He is a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and the Medical Director of NRI Community Services in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. Visit Dr. Haltzman online at www.DrScott.com.

Editor’s Note: Life Love Beauty does not condone or encourage affairs or cheating in relationships. The opinions are those of the experts and this article is meant for information purposes only.

Easy Flirting Tips for Any Age

Try these easy flirting tips for any age - body language, eye contact, and more.Flirting can be a natural response or a forced action, depending on how certain people deal with the situation. If you like someone, or if they like you, flirting is almost a complete byproduct of that chemistry. While some people are shy, flirting can be easier than you think with a few basic pointers on easy flirting tips for any age.

Easy flirting tips for any age include body language, eye contact, and making an effort to ensure your crush is having a good time, is not bored, and that he or she reciprocates your feelings.

No matter if you are teens, twenties, thirties, middle-aged, mature, or anywhere in between, you can explore your love life on a deeper level by flirting with your love interests when appropriate. Use a few easy flirting tips to lure in your love and then seal the deal. To learn more about ways you can hint at your affection, consider these easy flirting tips for any age.

Easy Flirting Tips for a Coworker Crush
When you have a crush on a coworker, there’s a lot of gray area where you want to try not to complicate your work life or your business relationships. Consider these easy flirting tips for a coworker crush:
–    Proceed with caution, as you don’t want to be accused of sexual harassment.
–    Take the approach of eye contact rather than touching. Body language can be risky, so just take it easy.
–    One easy flirting tip: inspire a challenge or make up a competition. Being competitive is a great source of flirtation.
–    Compliment your coworker crush on something he or she is wearing or a project he or she has completed recently.

Easy Flirting Tips for a Classmate Crush
If you like someone in your class, whether high school, college, graduate school or otherwise, remember that students tend to gossip and you should protect yourself from letting the cat out of the bag inadvertently if you like someone. Even with easy flirting tips to guide you, your classmates might still discover your crush. Instead, why not be subtle until you are sure and then try these easy flirting tips for all ages:
–    Pass your crush a note at the end of class, or at the beginning if you are a bit more daring.
–    One easy flirting tip: Write your phone number on his or her hand.
–    Tell jokes and make casual conversation with lots of eye contact.
–    If you end up on a date together, proceed slowly but make a judgment call on hand holding and touching the back, shoulders, arm or leg at appropriate times.

Try these easy flirting tips for any age - body language, eye contact, and more.Easy Flirting Tips for a Friend Crush
If you like one of your friends, this can be a tricky relationship to try. If you are friends, realize that you may be risking the friendship if the relationship does not work out, but it can be well worth the risk in the long run if things do work out between the two of you. In fact, sometimes the best relationships and marriages form from friends that decided to date. If you like one of your friends, consider these easy flirting tips for any age:
–    Find an excuse to spend some time with just your friend and you to gauge how things go.
–    One easy flirting tip: Take a very slow approach and test the waters to see if your friend flirts with you first.
–    Eye contact and body language can be a good start here, but in small doses just in case.
–    Challenge your friend to a competition of some sort. Talk some trash, but in a flirty way.
–    Talk to your friends and see what they think. If your friends think it could work, then you can consider flirting more openly by complimenting your crush.

Easy Flirting Tips for a Blind Date
When you’re going on a blind date, you’ve pretty much thrown caution to the wind and trusted fully in whoever set you up. This can go very, very well or very, very badly. Whatever the case, if you decide you do like your blind date, you can make some moves with these easy flirting tips:
–    Be bold – hold hands or wrap your arms around your date.
–    Offer your jacket if she is cold.
–    One easy flirting tip: Offer your phone number if you like how the date is going.
–    Share a dessert together – one dish, two spoons.
–    Make an effort to sit or snuggle closer together.

No matter who your crush may be, a few easy flirting tips can turn your date into a more exciting and repeatable occasion. Easy flirting tips in a nutshell – body language, eye contact, and making an effort. Remember, a first impression can mean everything, so take your time to get to know the person, use their name when speaking to them, and make an effort to be thoughtful, courteous, and maybe even a little bit mysterious.

Romantic Birthday Letters and Sayings to Include in a Greeting Card

Romantic birthday letters are a great way to show you care.To show that special someone how much you care, include a personal note in his or her birthday card or create your own romantic birthday letters to commemorate the occasion. Romantic birthday letters and birthday cards often become cherished keepsakes, tucked away in card boxes or shoe boxes for a rainy day when they’ll be read again. Write your own romantic birthday letters and fill them with heart-felt sayings to show how much you care.

Romantic birthday letters are a great way to capture your emotions in black and white, in a tangible way that your sweetheart can enjoy for years to come. Add in a few romantic film quotes for a memorable sentiment that revisits whenever you watch a romantic movie. If you can’t be with your sweetheart on his or her actual birthday, romantic birthday letters offer a dreamy and convenient way to show your love.

Examples of Romantic Birthday Letters and Sayings
If you’d like to surprise your sweetheart with romantic birthday letters and sayings, you can make a tradition of creating a new romantic birthday letter each year. By the next year, you’ll have 365 days worth of experience to improve your sentiments. Write your romantic birthday letters on the fly or save up your thoughts and write them down as they dawn on you. If you feel particularly lost for words, consider the following romantic birthday letters for inspiration.

Romantic Birthday Letter 1:
With each passing day I adore you more and more…
While I really didn’t need a special day to tell you how I feel,
I am glad that you are mine, and I’ll love you for all time.

***

Romantic birthday letters are a great way to show you care.Romantic Birthday Letter 2:
It’s your birthday again, which reminds me…
Another 365 days of loving you under my belt,
A lifetime of loving you to come….
Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

***

Romantic Birthday Letter 3:
When it all comes down to it,
Your birthday is just a good excuse to tell you how I feel
Each and every day of the year.
I hope this birthday is as special as can be,
And I hope you know how much you mean to me.

If you aren’t particularly into making up your own romantic birthday letters, sayings, and phrases, consider writing a poem or quoting some romantic song lyrics or romantic film quotes. Romantic film quotes would make a great addition to any love letter, especially a collection of romantic birthday letters. If you opt to include romantic film quotes in your romantic birthday letters, you can create a volume of sweet quotes and letters by crafting a new one each year. You’ll find that these romantic birthday letters become something your sweetheart comes to look forward to over the years as a timeless tradition you can carry on till you are old and gray.

Wanting What You Can’t (Or Shouldn’t) Have – What is the Attraction of Dating a Married Man?

So what is the fascination some women have with married men? Is it the thrill of the chase? The aspect of danger? The common issue of wanting what you can’t (or shouldn’t) have? Surprisingly, for women who are willing to own up to going after someone else’s husband, the allure goes well beyond all of this.

At times, some women want what they can’t or really shouldn’t have – i.e., other women’s husbands. Several reasons seem to exist for the reasoning behind why these women decide to chase after married men. This article explores the attraction of why some women enjoy dating or trying to date married men. Dating experts Dr. Gilda Carle and Toni Coleman, LCSW weigh in on the possibilities.

Lack of Commitment
For many women, the lack of commitment involved in a typical affair is an alluring draw. For those women who don’t dream of their weddings and the typical married life scenarios, an affair with a married man can seem like an exciting and low key alternative.

“They don’t want a serious relationship or a commitment (Yes, there ARE some women who don’t want to be tied down…),” says Dr. Gilda Carle, who has written books and articles on cheating with married partners.

“He is safe,” adds Toni Coleman, licensed psychotherapist and certified dating coach. “By this, I mean that she does not have to be concerned about him pressuring her for a commitment, if this is something she has an issue with. She has more control – limited time together; she is the fun person (not the one in the fox hole with him), etc.”

Chasing after Authority or Celebrity
Sometimes an age difference can be a compelling attraction, not to mention the appeal of someone with a different social status or employment status. Chasing after a married man with a higher status makes it difficult to determine where the attraction actually lies.

“He is someone who is older or in a position of authority (boss?), but is married,” Coleman poses. “She is attracted to his status, power, connections, etc. His being married – is that really the attraction? – but she doesn’t let it get in her way.”

Exciting, Secretive, and Taboo
A number of women who pursue married men do so partly for the thrill of the chase and the exciting notion that they simply cannot afford to get caught. They end up living a double life where even their closest friends and confidantes may not know the extent of their romantic involvement with a married man or men.

Despite the fact of how women could be hurting the families of these married men, the excitement, thrills, and chills tend to take the logic and empathy out of the situation.

Lavish Gifts and Luxurious Vacations
Some women simply like to be pampered and treated like a goddess. In affairs, many times they enjoy the spoils that the married men really should be offering to their wives. Women who chase after married men may become accustomed to this luxurious lifestyle over time, which can cause them to seek out more married men rather than singles.

“As the other woman, she will have a greater chance of being catered to, getting the trips and being showered with gifts,” Coleman says. “What she won’t have to deal with is an equal partnership- as she would with a guy who is available and who wants to build something together.”

“The attraction can be potent because these women will be wined and dined, and treated like queens for the short time they are with their man, without real and ugly world intervening in their fantasy,” Carle adds. “These relationships are as superficial as the fairy tales with which we have been raised.”

Revenge is Best Served Cold
It is possible that a woman will go after a married man in order to get back at someone they dated or to get back at people in general. Emotions can be especially powerful and often fuel people into doing things they may not ordinarily do.

“They are raging over a breakup from their ex who cheated on them, and they, usually unconsciously, want to get revenge on men, women, or both,” Dr. Gilda Carle suggests.

Filling a Gap in Life
Another possibility is that the woman may be chasing after a married man in order to fill a gap in her life. This may be the case for those women who come from broken homes or those who had been raised by a single mother.

“She is looking for a guy who can be the father she did not have, or had an impaired relationship with,” Coleman suggests.

About the Experts:
Dr. Gilda Carle is an internationally-known psychotherapist, relationship expert, and management consultant.  She is Match.com’s “Ask Dr. Gilda” advice columnist published on MSN.com. For more information, visit www.DrGilda.com online.

Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, is a licensed psychotherapist, certified mentor coach, and internationally recognized dating and relationship expert and founder of Consum-mate.com. For more information, visit online at http://consum-mate.com.


Editor’s Note: Life Love Beauty does not condone or encourage affairs or cheating in relationships. The opinions are those of the experts and this article is meant for information purposes only.

Tips to Keep Your Marriage Exciting and Free from Boredom to Prevent your Spouse from Having an Affair

With affairs ending up in the news, on television shows, in movies, and even in some people’s social circles, many couples may wonder how they can protect their marriages from leading to an affair. While there is no true scientific formula to safeguard your relationship from crumbling due to a cheating spouse, you can strengthen your bond with your partner with a variety of techniques.

“A lot of married couples begin to wonder if marriage is just one long series of chores, errands and kids to be picked up with work sandwiched somewhere in the middle,” says Dr. Noelle Nelson, author of Your Man is Wonderful. “Oh sure, you have some laughs and nice times together, but what happened to the excitement and the passion? It’s that kind of feeling that can make spouses drift to thoughts about other more ‘exciting’ people in their lives and the chances of an affair increase.”

Keeping boredom from creeping into your marriage is one big way to help prevent an affair from taking place. Keep your love life alive with your spouse and do things together as a couple as well as with your entire family. Below are some tips to keep your marriage exciting and free from boredom in an effort to prevent an affair from ruining your marriage.

Q. Are there things a married couple can do to keep their marriage from leading to an affair?

“Communicate, communicate, communicate,” says Paul A. Falzone, CEO of The Right One and Together Dating. “If things aren’t going well in your marriage, you and your wife need to acknowledge that and sit down and focus on what’s wrong. Only by communicating can you keep a marriage from heading down the wrong path.”

Scott Haltzman, MD, notes that staying emotionally connected to your spouse is a great way to protect your relationship from suffering an affair. He suggests the following ideas to help protect your marriage from going down the path of an affair:

•    Do things together and keep your activities and time together exciting.
•    Be open and don’t keep secrets – unknown email accounts, bank accounts, and private social networking sites.
•    Keep your passion alive and engage in romantic intimacy.

Five Ways to Keep Boredom from Taking over Your Marriage
An April 2009 Psychological Science study found after following 123 married couples through 7, 9, and finally 16 years of marriage that boredom does in fact reduce closeness between husband and wife, resulting in a reduced sense of satisfaction within the marriage.

Dr. Noelle Nelson suggests exploring new things together with your spouse and taking the time to explore each other as much as you did when you first began dating. She also offers the following five suggestions for ways to keep boredom at bay to prevent a decline in satisfaction of your marriage.

1. Turn “date night” into more than dinner and a movie.
“Many couples know how to make one night of the week a ‘date night,’ but they should take it one step further so it doesn’t become routine,” says Nelson. “Be innovative. Take turns surprising each other with where you go or what you do on your date. Deliberately come up with ideas that let you explore a new experience together: anything from learning about the night sky at a local observatory to hitting the state fair to trying foods from exotic lands.”

2. Take up a hobby together.
Join a club or a casual sports team with your spouse for a regular activity to do together. From wine tasting to volleyball, bird-watching, and everything in between, you can enhance your quality time with your husband or wife easily and effectively.

“Make regular time every week to do your new hobby together,” offers Nelson. “Be excited and passionate about it, talk about it, look forward to it.”

3. Get a question book.
“People grow and change throughout their lives,” Nelson says. “When you lose interest in finding out what makes him or her tick, they may lose interest in you. Pick up a book filled with lists of questions from the bookstore and start asking your mate. Some questions are thought provoking, some silly, some just plain fun, but it’s a good way to discover what your spouse is really thinking.”

4. Play games together.
“Make an effort to shut off the tube and dive into a word/board game, just the two of you,” suggests Nelson. “It could be scrabble, a computer game or putting a puzzle together. Playing together keeps your love young.”

5. Volunteer together.
Spending time together for a greater cause can enhance your relationship in a number of ways. From food drives to fundraisers and more, you and your spouse can make a difference in the community and in your marriage.

“When you work side by side for the benefit of your community, church, neighborhood, or favorite cause, you share that sense of purpose and accomplishment,” says Nelson. “It brings you closer.”

“These five simple suggestions can banish boredom from marriage without a fatal plunge into an affair or other diversion (gambling, alcohol, excessive shopping) that are detrimental to your relationship,” Nelson shares. “They garner the closeness that fulfillment is all about.”

About the Experts:
Paul A. Falzone is the CEO of The Right One and Together Dating, which boasts more than 60 locations and is growing. Under his leadership, the Company ranked 31st in the 2007 Boston Business Journal’s “Fastest Growing Private Companies in Massachusetts” and was named to Inc Magazine’s list of Fastest Growing Private Companies in America with a three-year growth rate of 133 percent. For more information, you can visit http://www.therightone.com.

Scott Haltzman, MD, is the founder and editor of DrScott.com and 365Reasons.com and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happy Families. Dr. Haltzman is board certified in Psychiatry and is a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He is a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and the Medical Director of NRI Community Services in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. Visit Dr. Haltzman online at www.DrScott.com.

Dr. Noelle Nelson is the author of Your Man is Wonderful (January 2009, Free Press, www.yourmaniswonderful.com). To view more of Dr. Noelle’s work, please visit her at http://www.dr.noellenelson.com.

Editor’s Note: Life Love Beauty does not condone or encourage affairs or cheating in relationships. The opinions are those of the experts and this article is meant for information purposes only.

Top 10 Romantic Things to Do for or with Your Significant Other on a Tropical Island Vacation

If you and your sweetheart are going on a tropical island vacation together, you’re almost guaranteed to have a completely amazing time. From the beautiful scenery of the tropics to the romance in the air all the time, you can only imagine the memories you’ll make together until they happen in real life. Despite the natural magic and wonder of a tropical island vacation, you can still plan a few romantic things to do so you can surprise your significant other with a truly unforgettable tropical vacation experience.

When you are on a tropical island for your vacation, some of your planning may be limited, but don’t be afraid to lean on the hotel staff and concierge for some tips and assistance in pulling off your more elaborate romantic plans. If you prefer to keep things low key, you can surely impress your sweetheart with romantic activities and surprises that don’t cost a penny, and ones that don’t require any special skills either.

For an unforgettable and exciting trip with your lover, consider these top 10 romantic things to do for or with your significant other on a tropical island vacation.

1.    Write your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s (or husband’s or wife’s) name in the sand. Take a picture for a permanent reminder of your romantic notion.

2.    Request that the live band or outdoor singer or lounge singer play or sing “your song” and dedicate the song and performance to your significant other. If you are feeling especially daring, you could see if they will let you on stage to sing!

3.    Find the perfect place on the beach and watch the sunset together.
This romantic activity during a tropical vacation could also benefit from a bottle of wine or toting a camera along so you can take a snapshot to cherish forever.

4.    Share a bottle of wine and dance under the stars together in the evening. You can also lay a blanket down on the ground and count the stars while you cuddle.

5.    Work out a plan with the hotel staff to place rose petals on your bed or a trail of petals in your room leading to a soaking tub and/or a bottle of champagne. Sometimes hotels offer a “romance package” that would include a nice display like this, so inquire before you book your reservations, if possible.

6.    Schedule a couples massage or day at the spa together. If you can score a massage on the beach next to the sounds of the surf, even better yet.

7.    Enjoy a dinner for two on the edge of the ocean or at an intimate table for two just before sunset. Some resorts place romantic dinner tables for two right at the water’s edge where you would be dipping your toes into the surf.

8.    Go on a sunset cruise together. Drinks and appetizers or even dinner or dessert would be divine.

9.    Wake up – or stay up all night – and watch the sunrise. Get some orange juice and champagne for your own refreshing Mimosas. Just think of all the fun things you can do together before and after the sun rises.

10.    Propose!
Many women will agree, few things are more romantic than getting engaged at a tropical paradise where dreams really do come true.

Top 10 Fun, Exciting, and Romantic Fall Date Ideas

Fall offers a lovely backdrop of color that can best be enjoyed outside and in the arms of the one you love. For a perfect fall date idea, consider the following top 10 fun and exciting fall dates. You can enjoy a romantic afternoon, a thrilling evening, or anything in between. You can invite your friends along for a fun fall double date or keep your sweetheart all to yourself for a romantic autumn date.

1.    Go apple picking. There’s nothing quite like the taste and smell of fresh-picked fall apples. Pick and purchase a basket full and take them home to make delicious treats like homemade apple pie, candy apples, sliced apples and more.

2.    Go pumpkin picking at the pumpkin patch. Once you’ve found the perfect pumpkins, take them home and carve them to perfection.

 


3.    Find your way through a corn maze.
Give your body a gentle autumn workout while giving your mind a challenging task. Work together as a team with your sweetheart to find the end of the maze.

4.    Go on a haunted hay ride or visit a “haunted house.” With Halloween falling in the end of October, a fun and exciting fall date may just involve the headless horseman, a mummy, and countless other goblins and ghouls to make you jump out of your skin and into your sweetheart’s arms.

5.    Take a trip to enjoy the fall foliage.
No matter where you go in the northern part of the country – mountain, lakeside, highway, back roads – you are sure to find a lovely display of fall color. This makes for a remarkable and romantic fall date idea. Bring along your camera so you can capture some of the natural beauty and wonder of the changing leaves.

6.    Spend a few moments raking up the leaves in your yard and then jump in them together. You can play wrestle and have a lot of fun rolling around in the leaves. Rest, relax, and enjoy being in each others’ arms – all the simplest components of a romantic autumn date.


7.    Go on a horseback ride.
With fair weather and a colorful backdrop, horseback riding makes a fun and exciting fall date idea for sure. Find a ranch near your home and visit for a half-day horseback excursion.

8.    Plan a romantic fall picnic. Pack tasty fall treats like apple slices with caramel dip. The two of you can enjoy the lovely fall weather and then find shapes in the clouds together.

9.    Go for a hike. If the weather isn’t bitter cold yet, you can really take the time to enjoy all the sights and sounds of Mother Nature. In this fun fall date idea, you get to exercise together with the added bonus of pretty fall colors all around.

10.    Attend a fun fall festival in your area, or travel to an enticing one nearby.
Many times you can find individual towns hosting fall events and festivals, or sometimes larger groups organize outdoor concerts or other attractions. You can have a lot of fun at a fall festival or state fair, not to mention an outdoor concert or other attraction.

Tip: You can look online for a corn maze, pumpkin patch, apple orchard, haunted hayride, fall festival, and other fun fall attractions near you.

Top 10 Summer or Warm Weather Adventure Date Ideas

Summertime offers the perfect excuse to try exciting new things and explore new adventures while enjoying the warm weather. Summer adventure dates can be lots of fun for couples or for double dates and group dates. Depending on your preference, you can plan a summer or warm weather adventure date with your significant other and your closest friends for an unforgettable and exciting summer activity.

If you and your sweetheart or new love interest (or group of friends) are seeking an unforgettable summer adventure date, you can first narrow down your options by deciding if you want to stay dry or get wet. Determining if you want to plan a water adventure date or an adventurous date on land can make a big difference in the planning of your date.

Begin planning your summer or warm weather adventure date by first thinking of all the adventurous date ideas you can try. Here are our top 10 summer or warm weather adventure date ideas for you to try:

1.    Whitewater rafting or tubing – Few warm weather outdoor activities happen to be as exhilarating as whitewater rafting, where you and your group are at the mercy of the rapids in your chosen river. If whitewater rafting is a bit too adventurous of a date for you, consider tubing down a river instead. Check with the park office or other authority in charge of the river before planning this date, just to make sure your desired river is safe for tubing. The Delaware River in Pennsylvania is one such river that is great for tubing!

2.    Scuba diving or snorkeling
– While scuba diving and snorkeling typically require you to be along the coast or on a tropical island or coastal vacation, you can surely build in a snorkeling or diving trip into an existing trip to an appropriate location. Diving and snorkeling truly embody a fun sense of adventure and excitement for your adventurous warm weather or summertime date.

3.    Overnight fishing trip
– If you and your significant other enjoy fishing in general, why not kick things up a notch and go out on a deep sea fishing adventure on an overnight angling excursion. Bluefish are a classic catch for these overnight fishing treks and hooking into a bluefish holds an excitement all its own. If you are feeling extra adventurous on your date, place a wager as to who will catch the biggest fish or the most fish on the overnight fishing trip.

4.    Parasailing – Parasailing may be a fun and relaxing yet exhilarating date adventure, as long as you aren’t afraid of heights or water. You can take turns going single parasailing and take pictures of each other in the air, or for a more romantic date adventure, find a location like Key West that offers tandem parasailing!

5.    Surfing or windsurfing
– If your athletic urges are going strong, consider surfing or windsurfing as an exciting adventure date. If you and/or your partner aren’t familiar with the ways of surfing or windsurfing, look for a workshop or an instructor that can give you all the guidance you need to get started. If you can’t find a class or don’t want to bother with lessons, opt for the easier, yet still exciting water adventure – and grab a boogie board!

6.    Sailing – Sailing on the open sea or in a serene lake makes for a truly romantic adventure date that is still exciting and enjoyable on many levels. Whether you sail a Sunfish sailboat or a catamaran, your warm weather date adventure will be a memorable one. Bring a picnic lunch and don’t be surprised if your date tosses you in the water for a refreshing dip!

7.    Kayaking – For a bit of an active date adventure, try kayaking in a lake or stream. You can try sea kayaking, too, but this might be best left for the more experienced kayakers. Kayaking together with your date gives you both a workout as well as an exciting tour of the nature around you.

8.    Waterskiing or wakeboarding – Put your leg muscles and your balance to the test with a fun date of waterskiing or wakeboarding. If you have access to a lake and a ski boat, let the games begin. Enjoy an exciting and adventurous date on the water on a nice, sunny summer day.

9.    Hiking – Perhaps water sports aren’t your thing. If this is the case, consider going on an adventurous hike with your sweetheart. Choose a trail that offers breath-taking views, a challenging climb, or a picnic spot at the pinnacle. You can bring a picnic lunch in a backpack along with some water, bug spray, and other necessities.

10.    Controlled thrills – Visit an amusement park, carnival, or boardwalk with rides and games and all the junk food you can imagine. Take a ride on the Ferris wheel or the roller coasters. Challenge your significant other to a competition at one of the game booths and don’t forget to enjoy some funnel cake.

Whatever you decide to do for your exciting adventure date with your sweetheart in the warm summer weather, make sure you take a few pictures to document and remember the experience. An adventure date typically arouses thrills and chills, so be prepared for anything at all. Take caution on any potentially dangerous situations, and most importantly, have a great time!

“Jon & Kate Plus 8” Divorce, 4th of July Gathering, Mark Long Road Ahead

Despite trying to make nice for the 4th of July holiday with the kids, Jon and Kate Gosselin – the stars of “Jon & Kate Plus 8” – have a long road ahead – involving divorce and raising eight children separately in a now broken home. News reports state that Jon and Kate Gosselin spent the 4th of July holiday together at their Pennsylvania home for the kids’ happiness.

Reports also state that Kate Gosselin filed for divorce on June 22, 2009. While no allegations have been confirmed on either side, various photographs have surfaced showing Jon Gosselin with a 23-year-old schoolteacher, so it’s plain to see that Kate Gosselin is going through some pretty heavy stuff right now.

Author Ginger Emas, who penned the amusing and supportive “Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce” (Globe Pequot Press, 2009), offers divorce survival advice for Kate Gosselin based on her own experiences.

“A break-up or divorce is never easy, and especially not for Kate, who has eight kids and a very public life,” Emas comments. “I applaud her. I’m rooting for her. And when she’s ready to date, I’ll be glad to babysit.”

Divorce Survival Tips for Kate Gosselin from Author Ginger Emas
Ginger Emas offers the following divorce survival tips for Kate’s split with Jon:

1.    Decide to have an amicable split from Jon, no matter what it takes. With eight kids, you’re going to need a supportive co-parent, especially when they hit puberty – all at once! It won’t always be easy, but you get to create your own divorce. Maybe you won’t bring your ex home for the holidays like I do, but strive for a friendship that allows you to raise the kids without yelling and arguing. After all, if you wanted to scream at each other, you would stay married.

2.    Do not say mean things about Jon in front of your kids. Ever. This is an opportunity to tap into your best self, your truest character. You will feel so incredibly good about yourself, at a time when it’s easy to get down on yourself. Be nice. Your kids are going to be feeling torn, confused, scared. They need to know that Mommy and Daddy love them, and the way kids feel that is to see that Mommy and Daddy are nice to each other. You won’t be able to change Jon’s behavior (you already know that), you can only change how you react to his behavior, and how you guide your children. That’s a big enough job!

3.    Take care of yourself. It’s not going to be easy with a houseful of adorable preschoolers, but you’re going to need some self-love here. Surround yourself with girlfriends you trust, who really care, and who can help you smile through some of the hard times. I know this isn’t the happily ever after you dreamed about on the day you got married. (Although I have talked with several women who told me they knew as soon as they walked down the aisle that their marriage was doomed; I certainly didn’t. I was thinking, “This is the best day of my life, this is the man of my dreams, I’m sure I can change him.”)  Kate, we all feel different things – we’re scared, we’re worried, we’re lonely. What you’re doing also takes courage — especially because you live so publicly. Just remember that you are making the choices that are right for you — and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. But you do owe it to yourself (and to your kids) to take care of yourself.  Breathe.

4.    Don’t even think about dating. I know this is odd advice coming from the woman who wrote the book on “fearless dating after divorce,” but all the experts agree: you won’t be ready for at least a year. That doesn’t mean you should sit home alone (who am I kidding? You’ll be lucky if you’re ever alone between now and the time your kids go to college) but do some things that you enjoy. When your children are with their dad or with relatives or a nanny, take Salsa dancing or fashion designer classes or something else you’ve always wanted to do, now listed under “Classes for the Newly Divorced.”

5.    When you do decide to date, don’t date on your kids’ time. One thing that helps keep me balanced is to remember that I am a mom first. This is why my son thinks he is the center of the universe. And for a little while longer, your kids are, too, Kate. As you start dating, consider your kids’ feelings first. That means keeping your dating life private, separate from your family life, until you are dating someone exclusively and have been seeing him for at least six months. (We can all do the math, this is at least 18 months from now!) It can be confusing and scary for kids to meet a revolving door of dates. Quick tips: Your children do not need to meet your dates; sleepovers should be kept to nights that your kids are not home, and only when you are in a serious relationship; don’t feel guilty about dating (or not dating), be supportive of your ex dating, and finally: love your kids, respect your kids, spend time with your kids. And while I tell most women to be wary of their neighbors, for you: beware of the paparazzi.

6.    Never, ever think you must date. No matter how many times you say “Not yet” when friends who think they are just being supportive ask if you are dating. Unless they offer you the name, age, photo, and financial and mental health records of an eligible bachelor, I think you have just as much right to ask them if they are still having sex with their spouse. If you are out there dating because you think that you should or that this is your one last chance or someone wants to offer you another reality show, dating really will be a disaster.

7.    Do not date looking for your next husband. Do not date for security. Do not date to meet some societal standard of couplehood. This keeps us in relationships with men we wouldn’t even sit next to on the subway. Relationships that could be harmful to our health and self-esteem. You will wind up dating a lot of “frogs” this way. Well, no matter what you do, you’ll probably wind up dating a lot of frogs. Just don’t marry them.

8.    And my all-inclusive advice: Don’t do anything too stupid.

–    The above tips and comments are courtesy of Ginger Emas.

About the Expert:
Ginger Emas is the author of “Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce” (Globe Pequot Press, 2009). For more about Ginger and the book, visit online at: http://backontopthebook.com and on the social media site Ginger created for women finding the courage to date again, www.fearlessdatingafterdivorce.com.

The Attraction of Dating a Married Man in the Celebrity World – Sahel Kazemi and Steve McNair Meet an Untimely End

Perhaps the cheating ways of celebrities and professional athletes receive more attention because of the high profile lifestyles they lead. Tabloids and gossip columns continually shout about new suspicions for who is cheating on whom and where these two people were seen together, such as the cheating allegations against Jon Gosselin, and other possible cheating suspicions on Kate Gosselin, both of the hit reality series, Jon & Kate Plus 8. It is not often clear how much of the celebrity news is true and how much is speculation.

In the case of former NFL Quarterback Steve McNair and 20-year-old Sahel Kazemi, the attraction of dating a married man may have been more along the lines of McNair’s fame and fortune, or the fact that he was an older man, 16 years her senior. One can only guess that the two felt an attraction for each other, despite the fact that Steve McNair was a married man.

Sadly, Steve McNair and Sahel Kazemi were both killed in a double murder or murder-suicide during the 4th of July holiday (yet to be determined at the time of this writing). News reports state that Steve McNair’s wife Mechelle McNair did not know about his affair with Kazemi until after the bodies were discovered. Despite these reports, search queries this week are off the charts for the search term “Steve McNair wife photo.”

It is hard to imagine what Mechelle McNair must be going through right now. If the news reports are accurate, she not only lost her husband in this awful double murder (or murder-suicide), but she also found out after his death that he was cheating on her. Finding out about her husband’s affair with Sahel Kazemi produces an entirely different gut-wrenching emotion; but to deal with both at the same time seems simply unbearable. It’s also very possible that through the questioning, she had to suffer through police questioning related to her husband’s death.

Yet despite this terrible tragedy for Mechelle McNair and the McNairs’ four children, all of these Web searches for “Steve McNair wife photo” and “Steve McNair’s wife photo” cause us to wonder just what America thinks about the tragedy and the killer. Perhaps people want to see Steve McNair’s wife’s photo to compare it to his mistress, or to see if Mechelle looks like a killer. A number of Internet users suspected that Steve McNair’s wife Mechelle herself is the killer, despite the reports that she didn’t know he was cheating on her. If she is innocent, as it seems she is, what an awful thing to be accused of a murder after you’ve just found your husband was killed and that he was having an affair!

New evidence shows that Sahel Kazemi purchased a gun on Thursday night. It seems very likely that she may have shot Steve McNair and then herself, especially if McNair was refusing to leave his wife for her.

Reports state that Sahel Kazemi and Steve McNair took a number of vacations together, and that Kazemi had expectations of marrying McNair sometime after a divorce to his wife Mechelle. Stories also say that Kazemi’s family saw her as being happy with McNair, although they may not have approved of the situation.

Little is known or divulged regarding the double murder or murder-suicide involving Steve McNair and Sahel Kazemi at this point, but surely new evidence is coming to light and should continue for the days to follow. All that is sure is that this is a tragedy for both the McNair and Kazemi families.